Is there one person that you used to be close to for a very long time, and now you are just basically strangers at this point? Maybe you aren’t sure what happened exactly … things slowly drifted, and although there isn’t any bad blood, it seems like things don’t work any longer. It is just as easy for strangers to turn into best friends, as it is for best friends to turn into strangers.
About a week ago I met a friend on the way to my Salsa dance class. We hadn’t seen us for more than 15 years and in the past we were very close friends. Suddenly, relationship came to an end, sort of we slowly drifted away with our friendship until, one day, we simply lost touch. This has happened to me several times throughout my life.
It made me feel very odd, so I took some time off to think about why this happens …
Of course, there are these type of friends that you don’t ever want to miss out on. You really love them, they connect and bond with you so well, you are always there for them, and they are always there for you. Then suddenly, out of the blue, you discover they just are not a huge part of your life like they once were.
You aren’t sure, whether it is your fault somewhere or whether you should feel bad about it. Maybe you neglected to reach out or did something wrong to them. However, truthfully, if you don’t know what the answer is, then probably it’s just a matter of your paths changing, and you just don’t connect the same as you used to.
That doesn’t mean you can’t have a good connection once more. It’s more a matter that it’s not serving either one of your journeys for you to be as close right now.
That’s absolutely okay!
There’s nothing wrong for one day to have amazing people as part of your life, and then later to go in your own separate directions. You need to respect one another, your journeys and the directions you are headed in. You can’t judge each other for the choices that you make, or when something else inspires you. People love change and can often go through changes quite rapidly.
The person you are on one day sometimes adjusts quite fast. This results in taking different life paths. It can lead you to finding new people, who might turn out to be your best friends ultimately. Therefore, if you find yourself feeling bad or guilty about how you and formerly close friends might have drifted apart, don’t be.
Again, it’s okay … it happens … it’s normal.
Imagine your best friend and yourself riding bikes together, on your way through life. At times you are both heading in the same direction and have the same destinations, goals, dreams, etc. At other times people change and then each person’s goals, for examaple, change. All of a sudden, one you two has turned into a different street, basically a new direction, and your paths change. Now, you’re not heading down the same road as you used to be. Perhaps, while riding your imaginary bike, you now meet a different individual or group of individuals who are bikeriding in the same direction, like you are.
That doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends just because you have changed or your life has changed. All it means is, that it does happen from time to time. I do have quite a few friends who I tend not to see as often as I once did. However, we will call each other from time to time, and it’s still easy for us to connect. Those are friendships, that I’ll always be grateful for having, no matter what happens. But, it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re going to be super tight always.
At times, things start to drift because something small or large happens between the two of you. With those kinds of splits you need to always ask yourself if you aren’t friends anymore, just because you can’t move beyond a disagreement. It can often happen that the two of you are still heading in the right direction of life, but you are both ticked off and neither one of you is about to give in.
That gives you a great chance to learn more about how you communicate and face yourself.
It can be difficult to see, but we spend lots of time clinging to judgments and toxic feelings, because we aren’t able to make peace with what took place. Deep down inside, those are people you do want to have in you live once again. However, it has gotten to the point that you don’t know how to make this happen any longer. You are either too scared being the one to make that first call, or don’t know what else can be said.
If it goes on for too long, you can get over it, but you still might not know how you can revive your friendship. It’s funny, but I’ve seen so many times when an accidental meeting took place and the two friends just hit it off like nothing happened. Just think if you woud’ve called your friend years ago?
Today, I would like to focus on two things, regarding reconnecting with your friends: Having regrets and taking action.
Whenever I have held onto regret, it hasn’t served me well no matter what the reason was. All I was doing was blaming myself for things I just needed to respect. There were different paths for us to take and at time we just don’t completely understand them. Another thing I learned was, I could go an extra mile and really be there for someone, if the person was really open to this. Now, I am there for family, friends and even strangers to the extent that I feel I have a connection with them and have value to offer.
Finally, today is the day I want you to take some action!
If you have a friend you still feel connected with, but might have a falling out with and aren’t sure how it needs to be addressed, just give him or her a call. Reach out to that person. If you were leaving this world tomorrow, is it someone you’d like to connect with or see one last time? If so, then reach out to the individual. You will be very surprised how well it usually goes.
If you are feeling confusion or regret about a certain situation, simply speak with the person about what happened, or write your thoughts out in a journal to yourself. Don’t ever be afraid of exploring things. It will teach you so much about the other person, and also about your truest self. Many times it does help when you try to place yourself in the other person’s shoes. It helps you understand how the person may feel about things. Just remember to respect and accept how things end up.
The past is in the past and you cannot control everything.
All you can control is what you do right now, so … take action today!
So true! 🙂 schön geschrieben!!