To truly be who you want to be and live the life that you really want to live comes down to one important question:

Are your goals supported by your habits?

If yes, that’s great. Just continue with what you have been doing. If the answer is no, there are three options available to you:

Quit, change your goals or change your habits.

If you claim to want something, but spend all of your energy and time doing things that take you in a completely different direction than what you want, then it is time for you to be honest with yourself. What do you really want? More importantly, what changes are you willing to make in order to get what you want?

This is something I have been thinking about quite a bit over the last 10 months, along with priorities in general. I really don’t think it is possible at any particular time in your life to have more than two, or maybe three, priorities. You can do just about anything you set your mind to. However, you cannot do everything. At least you can’t do it all at the same time.

There are limits when it comes to your creativity, your money, your energy and your time. This isn’t something you don’t already know. But, even though I am very aware of it, I constantly seem to forget that I am completely in charge of the way I choose to use my personal resources.

When it comes to your energy and time, it is entirely up to you how to spend it. Every thing you are currently trying to balance from your over-committed life is there because of the decisions you have made. It’s there because of you. You are the one who is responsible to lighten the load and for reorganizing all of your obligations, if what you are doing right now isn’t helping you get to where you would like to be.

I realize how easy it is to think you just don’t have the time to do something. That’s a trap I fall into all the time myself. However, when you say you don’t have enough time for something, you really are saying: “That isn’t a priority of mine.”

You are completely in control of your own life. That probably doesn’t mean you have the ability to just not go to work tomorrow, if you happen to hate your job. Still, you can start down a different path by taking your first step.

It all boils down to what your priorities are.

Over the past couple of months I have seriously talked to myself, trying to figure out what my priorities truly are. Although I started out with a very convoluted list that made me think practically everything and anything in my life was a priority, after I brushed aside the bullshit, I discovered my priorities actually are quite straightforward and simple.

Relationships. Basketball. Blogging.

That it’s. In other words my priorities are: my relationships with people I like, being a basketball coach and my blogs. Are these important parts of my life? Yes, they absolutely are. However, do my habits make me really feel that my main priorities are these three things? No, not really. It was tough for me to face that truth.

For example, although I said my blog was a top priority, I realized I hadn’t been consistently publishing new content. So I decided to get serious and made the commitment to publish new content on my blog at least twice a week. It was only one change in habit, however that is all that it takes to make a change. You are not going to be able to change one thousand things all at the same time. That’s why looking at one of your goals and one of the habits that helps to support the goal and then making a commitment to the habit is a great starting point.

Basketball Coaching. Things got interesting here. From the outside, I think most people would assume I am already fully committed to my basketball goals. It is true that I am fairly dedicated. Most of the time, I do all the work that I need to do and say “no” usually to anything that will get me off track too much. When it comes to the truth of being able to recognize whether your goals are supported by your habits, you have to stop caring about what others may think. Truthfully, it really doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t mean anyything, if your habits satisfy your sister’s or your friend’s opinion of what it is going to take to get you to the place you want to be in. What YOU think is all that matters. Only YOU really know what your true goals are. Also, you are the one who knows whether or not your daily habits are working for or against your goal. You are the one who suffers when you habits work against your goals.

I don’t mean that you should get down on yourself when you don’t do something perfectly. There is no such thing as perfection. When I refer to establishing daily habits that will support your goals, I am not talking about trying to have habits that are absolutely perfect. It also doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ever deviate from habits that do work. Coming up with daily habits in support of a goal is an indication that you clearly know what your goal is as well as why it is a goal in the first place. You also know what things you are willing to do every day or regularly to reach your goal. It isn’t about trying to be perfect. It is about making forward progress gradually, despite the fact that at times progress will seem very messy.

Here is the point: If you say something is a priority of yours (being a consistent blogger, finding a different job, eating healthy etc.), but the habits you have currently don’t support your priority, then you need to make some changes to your life. If you don’t, you will end up being frustrated and unhappy forever.

Here are the steps you need to take:

    1. Figure out what you think your priorities are.
    2. Ask yourself if it’s something you really want. If not, enjoy your freedom and let it go.
    3. If it is something you really want, find one habit that you can change today -right now- that can help you get one step closer to achieving your goal. Like the top of a table, the goal is useless without legs to support it (habits and daily actions).

This brings us to self-examination and honesty. If you feel like it, I would love to hear about what your priorities are (for example: Be vulnerable. Run. Write), in addition to one habit you know will help accomplish them.

Picture credit: eren • Creative Commons Attribution