I’ve been in sales and customer service for a very long time now, and I know how important it is to be listening to what clients say. Also, when talking to my closest friends I make sure to carefully listen to them, when we are having conversations that matter.
No matter how much you may dislike it, between what someone tries to say and what you hear, there is always a gap. Language is never perfect, however, it is one of the better means you have for getting inside a person’s head and understanding where they are coming from and what they are thinking.
Basically, there are two main forms of listening: active and passive.
When you use passive listening, you don’t really think about the words someone is saying very much. All you do is react to whatever they are saying and then try to convey your own points. I have a colleague, who is a strong passive listener.
Active listening, on the other hand, is very different and much more productive. When you use active listening, you turn all of your focus and attention to the conversation. Therefore, it is much more meaningful for you. It makes a lot more effort and energy. However, it is definitely worth it, so today I’ve put together a couple of my thoughts on the active listening benefits:
Hear more. You don’t merely hear the words, you understand the intention and meaning behind what a person is saying to you. You able to connect on a much deeper level with the person you are talking to.
Respect. You will give people the respect that they deserve. Any time you actively listen to an individual, it shows a great amount of respect for them. This in turn will make them want to show you respect as well.
Relationships. You will be able to develop relationships that are much deeper. When you actively listen to and respect the individuals that you are talking to, it is a lot easier to develop a deeper relationship with them. Trust will grow between the two of you.
Attention. Your attention muscle will get a work out. In the near future, I will look into Meditation, because one of the reasons why I like the concepts of meditation so much is because it really gives your attention muscle a good work out. Each time you start losing track of your breathing, you bring your attention gently back to it. You get the same benefit with active listening. You return your attention to the conversation that you are engaged in constantly.
Misunderstandings. A lot of misunderstandings can be avoided by listening actively (speak: carefully). Although having some conflict can be productive and healthy, it is counterproductive when you have conflict due to misunderstandings. When you actively listen to what a person is saying, it allows you to think about the words more and helps you to avoid misunderstandings that can drain you of your energy and time.
Judging. You will be able to judge people much better. The more listening you do, obviously the better listener you will become. It will allow you be able to read into what a person is actually saying and learn what the person is really like, and, most important, what a person feels deep inside.
What else should you be doing? Whenever you are having a conversation with someone, there are only rare situations where you should not be devoting your full attention to the person you are speaking with and your conversation.
A majority of the time, you probably only need to use about 30 percent of your attention in order to engage in a good conversation. However, when you turn the rest of your attention onto the conversation you are having, something magical takes place. All of a sudden your conversations start to have more meaning and depth. You will start to reap all of the above benefits.
There is an intimate connection between productivity and listening.
Actively consider and think about what somebody is saying to you. This is very important and allows you to deeply process what he or she is saying.
Don’t put a lot of thought into what you are planning to say next. I’ve made the following experience: Whenever I am thinking about a witty and funny response to say to someone, I frequently am tuning them out and just waiting for my chance to say something that will impress them. However, when I just listen and then respond after hearing everything the person has to say, I always get a lot more out of those conversations.
Set aside your opinions and beliefs, particularly when you think the person that you are speaking with is completely wrong. I have used this little trick to help me become more respectful, open, understanding and patient of other people. The conversation doesn’t usually change my opinion, but it does change me and in a good way, being more open to different point of views.
Be patient, particularly when somebody is rambling on. Try to remain patient and work towards understanding what the person is attempting to tell you.
Bring your attention constantly back to the current conversation. My mind tends to wander in many conversations to random thoughts, things I would rather be doing, things I need to get done, and much more. I am constantly having to return my attention to whatever the current conversation is. This has helped me develop my attention muscle and make it stronger.
When you aren’t understanding what a person is telling you, ask questions. Don’t write them off just because you can’t understand them. Asking questions usually helps you learn new things about the person as well as the subject you are talking about. It can also be very helpful to repeat what the person has said back into your own words. This will help confirm that your understanding is correct and help to avoid any potential misunderstandings.
Unproductive Conversations
By now you know, that being an active listener is very important. However, not getting involved in unproductive conversations to begin with is just as important. Unproductive conversations don’t add any value or meaning to my life or the other person’s life that is involved in the conversation. It is very productive to set reasonable boundaries for your conversations, particularly when you are working and there is a big opportunity cost to getting involved in lengthy conversations.
Summary
Obviously, people don’t just talk to have words come out of their mouths. They talk to be heard. Whenever you actively listen and listen with intent to what the person is trying to tell you, your conversations will be more meaningful and valuable.
Productivity is not merely about getting more accomplished in a shorter period of time, but active listening does help with that. However, for me, being productive is also about living a life that is happy and rich with meaning. When you spend a lot of you time talking with people, it is definitely worth your time to get as much value and meaning as you can from your conversations.
Active listening provides you with the opportunity to better judge people, avoid misunderstandings and develop deeper relationships. It does take attention, energy and some confidence in order to really do it right. However, it is energy well spent, given how much meaning active listening can add to your life.
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