My mother raised me alone while working full time in order to provide for the both of us. I didn’t have a father in my life, and she didn’t have her husband at her side. They broke up and got a divorce, when I was very young.

I now know that life was tough for her, since she always had to work hard to make ends meet. For her this began very early. First, as the oldest child of her mom, my grandmother, she helped to raise her six brothers, while pursuing her own goals and her education in the Philippines. Then she met my father and left her country to live abroad, away from her family and friends, and in a totally different culture.

My mom raised me in a very simple way and I always felt I was missing out on many things that I wanted to have, wanted to become and wanted to do. It was just a couple of years later, way into my twenties, when I realized I didn’t want to raise my child that way. Sometimes in order to buy the things I needed, e.g. for school, my mom wouldn’t spend money on anything she would’ve liked to have or needed for herself at that time. And sometimes my Christmas presents consisted simply of a couple of new t-shirts and socks. I always felt I was missing out on a lot of things when I saw my friends with their cool bikes, nice clothes and new sneakers. Never did I have any designer clothes or more than one pair of sneakers I used until they were totally worn out.

As I said, my father wasn’t around when I was growing up, so the last time I saw him was when I was about four years old, and after that never heard his voice, got a card in the mail or received a phone call from him. Eventually I found out he got married soon after leaving us behind.

There were so many things I had to learn on my own, especially those things that can only be taught by a father to his son.

Looking back from today, I desperately was in need of a father around to show me how to be a man, do manly things, how to play sports etc. You know, mothers definitely love their sons, there surely is no doubt about that. My mom truly loved me in every way, but she had a really hard time raising a man and a troubling child like me. Boys and girls just aren’t wired the same. My mom did the best she could, but during a few years my teenage life I was, more or less, a really angry kid.

Now, almost forty years after the divorce, there was one thing I was very sure of: I definitely don’t want my children to grow up the way I did.

As a good father I want them to have more from their life, so providing them with everything they could ever need in order to be successful will be my top priority. It’s important to teach them about the necessities in life, including all the important skills they’ll need, so that they could live great lifes and pass it on to their children, too.

Growing up alone with my mom, I thought about how I could get ready, adjust and prepare for becoming a the greatest father ever. Knowing what I was missing while growing up, made me confident that I will be a far better father than my own dad ever was.

Especially when I was a kid, I missed out on being loved by my father, having a someone to play sports with, to teach me guy stuff, to hug me and tell me how much he loved me. In general, I missed out on a lot of playing. When going out and seeing other fathers playing and having fun with their children, I always feel a little crushed … even today.

It broke my heart and I knew if I did those things to my children, they would at least be getting the basics from me. But the basics aren’t enough! Being a father isn’t a half-day job. It’s 24/7, 365 … and nothing less.

To be honest … today, I still don’t know what exactly I would do, but, I know that I want to do the best I can to be a good father.

I am heading straight into my forties as of writing this blog post, and it is time to get some serious ideas about the things I want to share and do with my son. Eventually my son was going to be the most fit, smartest, coolest kid and have good traits. Even now I still don’t have a clue about how to be a good father, but I definitely know what I didn’t want to be like.

So, I know, when the big day finally comes, I will totally fall in love, the second he will be born and when I first hear him cry. It will be something I really can’t explain, since I had never felt this intensity of love for someone like that before in my life. Probably my father instinct will be kicking in instantly, and all of a sudden, I won’t be worried anymore about how to be a good father.

Here are the lessons I have for my unborn son:

Love

Growing up, my mother was always very affectionate. However, without having a father to do the same, I felt a big void in my life. Therefore, I will show my son that I really love him every minute of the day. I will teach him all about love and how to express it with others, because love is, after all, the basis of all relationships we have with friends and family.

When I pick my son up at school, one of the first things he will say to me is, “Dad, I love you.” These will be my favorite words coming from him. He will be a very affectionate and loving kid, just like his mom, and he compliments and hugs everybody.

Believe in yourself

Ever since the day that my son will put his feet into this world, I will have affirmed things so starting at a very young age his mind will be programmed to know that he’s capable of doing whatever he wants to. I will tell him that he can do anything he desires to as along as he puts in the necessary work. It is very important that kids be taught this as soon as possible and to program them, so that they start believing in themselves. They should start learning early to go for the things they want to achieve in life and get the most out of it. There is no time to waste!

Despite the fact that my mother instilled in me that I should believe in myself, it still felt like something was missing. I had no father, a man, to believe in me.

It is just something different, when a man loves you like your father does, and personally I think, the most important parent a child has is the same sex parent. My fathers absence also made me feel that I wasn’t wanted, and looking back to my teenage time it really had a negative affect on my self-esteem and the way I behaved. I was the rebellious type of kid, and my mom, as full day working woman, had no strength to discipline me after a hard days work.

Don’t Ever Give Up

This is directly connected to believing in yourself. You can’t give up if you really want something and times get tough. It doesn’t matter how often you fail, how difficult it is, or the number of times you might happen to fall down.

There are times when things just happen and don’t go how you want them to. Bad things happen sometimes. It’s all part of life … there will be times when you get lemons instead of peaches. Just get back up and then keep on trying until you finally get what you are after.

The way you react to this kind of situation is what will determine your results as well as the final outcome. So, whenever life hands you a lemon, squeeze and juice it into some tasty lemonade and keep going.

Have respect for others

I will teach you to respect others. We act respectfully and speak respectfully. This will be a good basis to be a boy who grows up and then will become a great man. You must respect all of the people who you are surrounded by.

Respect isn’t a one-way street. You have to give respect and earn it.

Stand Up For Yourself

Some people might try to bully you, pick on you, or think they will be able to mess with you. This is the reason why I will teach you about taking a stand, when necessary. If anyone bullies or threatens you, there are situations in life when you have to know how to fight back. Even if you end up getting whipped, people won’t mess with you ever again since they know you are willing to fight back and will give them a tough time getting on you.

Work hard

As mentioned, life isn’t going to just hand things to you. If there is something you really want, then you’ll need to work it hard in order to get it.

One thing I’ll be teaching you about is saving your hard earned money. That’s an important skill you’ll be able to use your entire life. Learning how to save will enable you to learn how to invest it later, so you have the chance to be quite wealthy over time.

You, the person

The person you are on the inside is a lot more important than the things that you own. Sure, we all love having nice things. However, I have noticed that many people who are lacking in self esteem, confidence around friends and women, and struggle with believing in themselves, have a tendency to buy cool things to compensate their feelings somehow. But remember, all of those material possessions only stay cool just for a short time, before their awesomeness starts to fade.

After that time, people still are lacking of feeling secure about themselves. I want you to be confident and love yourself. Considering yourself valuable is very important, as well as having proper values in place. It is more meaningful to be a good person than to have all the finest possessions of the world. People will forever remember how you make them feel, so being a good person is what really matters. The cool things are just like a dessert … it’s an optional side dish.

Follow Your Passions

Don’t waste your life away working and just going through the motions. Don’t enroll in college and get a degree to get into a profession that you aren’t absolutely in love with. Just don’t work for somebody else your whole life.

Determine what it is you are truly passionate about, then figure out how to earn a living by doing it.

I’m not going to try to force you to go to college to become a lawyer or doctor the way most parents do. That will just end up making you broke and miserable because it might not be what you’re excited or passionate about, when you wake up in the morning.

Figure out what you’d really love to do every day. It doesn’t matter to me whether you love to perform heart surgery or make soap, as long as you’re in love doing it and it is the best you can be.

That’s what truly matters to me, as your father!

You know, it really isn’t work any more when you are chasing your passion. It is fun, and you’ll love getting up every day. You will enjoy your work, invest extra energy into it, work harder and be much happier all in all. Those are the reasons why I really want you to follow your passions instead of settling for something you aren’t really in love with.

Seek Self-Improvement Constantly

You are basically dying if you aren’t growing, and you are getting worse if you aren’t getting better. Remember, you can’t just stay the same. Work at becoming the best, if you’d like to be the best.

All your life you should work at improving yourself in every aspect. That involves always improving, growing more, training more, learning more, become better at your sport, being a better son and so on. Get the most that you possibly can from your life, your potential, your body, your mind.

Set goals and then absolutely crush them. Then make new goals and repeat the process. Only then will you live a rich and satisfying life.

Final words

So, although I grew up without a father, felt abandoned, unwanted and angry all the time, I’m actually very thankful. It taught me how I would be a better father, than the one I had, and I know my son will be well loved and being set up to have a successful life. I’m sure he will make a positive impact on the world, and he will have a life that is healthy, successful and full of abundance.

Because I’m a great father.

Picture credit: John Lemieux • Creative Commons Attribution